The Single Motherhood Recipe....

Take…

1 small child

1 exhausted, chocoholic mother

1 feckless, hopeless but ‘I can still criticize you’ Father – absent – mostly

unlimited chocolate

1 glass of red wine

1 ton of organisational skills

7 swear words….all beginning with “b”

1 more glass of wine

11 minor swear words (it doesnt matter what letter they begin with because the wine has made you slur your words anyway)

14 pairs of hands

the rest of the bottle of wine

1 other single parent who also relies on someone to have her own Small Child when you have to stay late at work – for free

1 grandma (the type who stays home and gardens or cooks post retirement.  I find the ones who go to yoga or line dancing slightly bitter and unreliable)

12 alternatives for “very good darling” (my preferences are “wow that’s lovely” and “what a fabulous drawing darling, the shading is soooo good!)

Method

Throw all the ingredients into the pot, stir it well.  As the pan begins to heat up a little you might notice that the Father makes several attempts to jump out  and run away.  This is normal and my advice is not to try to prevent this as it only leads to a) crying of the Small Child and b) threats the likes of “see you in court then” (does he need more of my money?!).  Keep the pot simmering for the appropriate amount of time (on average about eight years) until Small Child who is now Sarky Screaming Teen declares she now wants to live with Father because she hates you.